Many visitors to the Sheffield Steelers' arena have been slightly puzzled by the game announcer, Dave Simms, and his often colourful (and usually incoherent) use of the English language. Well, in preparation for the next visit to the Big Tin Shed Thunderflash sent a linguistic expert to the first game of the season to try and make sense of what Dave Simms actually says. So, if you're not sure whether PA means Public Address or Pain in the Ar-
ena, this is for you.

Dave Simms - "Welcome mumble blurge flim flam home of the Sheffield Steelers bumble diddle dee Grand Slam flibble what salary cap umble WE WON ANYWAY"
Translation "Welcome to the home of the Sheffield Steelers, winners of the 2001 Grand Slam".

Dave Simms - "Murf wurf slurge Sheffield family buggle narf nurf boiled sweets urfle bloo bike sheds."
Translation - "And a special welcome to all members of the Sheffield family."
(Translators note - Mr Simms' constant reference to the Sheffield "family" might explain why he so often behaves as if his parents were closely related.)

Dave Simms - "Obble wobble Manchester Storm binkly bonkly boo Lancashire scum da-doo ron ron Wars of the Roses."
Translation - "We would also like to welcome our visitors from the Manchester Storm, who we are always pleased to see and who always bring such a good following in the best historic traditions of the rivalry between our two great counties."

Dave Simms - "Urgh ooof glurg Mike Blaisdell furble glook waa waa waa bench clearance bubble bubble glaah take them to the cleaners."
Translation - "Coach Mike Blaisdell is giving his last minute talk on tactics to the team."

Dave Simms - "Oggle uggle murf the ref must be blind flib flub dibble home box sponsored by the Sheffield Steeler's supporters club".
Translation - "That's a two minute penalty to the Sheffield Steelers."

Dave Simms - "Flobadob blib blob bleep bog off Manchester scum oggy oggy oggy WHAT? ONLY TWO MINUTES? oi oi oi, HANGING'S TOO GOOD FOR HIM."
Translation - "That's a two minute penalty to the Manchester Storm."

Dave Simms - "Guuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhh!!! blurk gurgle murfle goo"
Translation - "The Steelers have scored."

Dave Simms - "Guggle bloink Manchester Storm wee woo aargle this can't be happening blurt iggle oink where's Andy Carson when you need him?"
Translation - "The Manchester Storm have scored."

Dave Simms - "Aargle bargle Sheffield slurp uurgh gargle walks on water howl howl bibble we're not worthy."
Translation - "And now the presentation for the Sheffield Steelers' Man of the Match".

Dave Simms - "Flumf mumfle iggle Manchester obble wobble no point really glurk snort snort didn't deserve it."
Translation - "And now the presentation for the Manchester Storm Man of the Match".

Dave Simms - "Wibble wobble woo bog off narf narf back over the Pennines where you came from oggle boggle blart come and have a go if you think you're hard enough."
Translation - "We'd like to wish all our visitors from Manchester a safe journey home and look forward to seeing them again."

(Editor's note - our translator has attended other matches in the Big Tin Shed and found that Mr Simms gives a similar reception to other teams. When asked for a comment on Mr Simms' use of language he said "The man's a goldmine. I'm thinking of basing my PhD on him. Trouble is, I don't know if my tutor would believe it.")

Page created September 2002